I found mine
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Believe.
im trying my best, not gonna give up. others can wait, i'll sacrifice time for the best.
i want to prove them wrong, that i can make it,
i know i can,
believe it.
i dont know why, everything's going haywire. it's unxpected. i doubt that everything's going to be alright anytime. it'll just get worse when time passes. i feel that im a burden. maybe i am? im doing my best in eoy, yet you dont trust me. how am i suppose to study at home when in the first place, we dont have peace. you tell me how. you expect me to study at home, dont have to consult my teachers. i ask you, are gonna help when i have doubts and queries?
yes, we may have no troubles/arent as bad as these. but i want you to realise who is the cause of it. i believe you still wont. stop throwing your tantrums at mewhen you;re the one in wrong. im worrying about my eoy and here you are talking crap to me, when i couldve been studying for my eoys. and yet, if i get my results bad, you'll come after with a dagger and threaten me. have you thought about youve contributed to result i this? i doubt so, cause if you have, you wouldnt be selfish and do whatever you want to do without thinking about others feelings.
stop making wild accusations. i didnt means i did not. have you thought about asking/accusing the younger one instead of me? maybe you did it but didnt want to admit. stop thinking that you're bloody frigging hell right cause you aint. i fear writing this soon enough cause we were very close. i dont know what happened, but i know we're drifting. things weren't like this before. and now during exams only you're starting to show your wild side? i dont hate you for what/who you are, i think im becoming indifferent towards you, which it shouldnt be.
have you thought about your attitude instead of mine? you tell me that i aint polite, well you aint even 0.000000000000000000000001 times better than me, so stop judging. you're starting to be judgemental, so can i. have you thought about what's ruining us? why dad's always mad? think bout it. cause even if you think for the zillionth time, i believe you'll still deny everything ive said here.
nowadays, everyday, someone keeps pissing me off. everyday i'll cry alone. why? cause noone's here. everyone's busy with their own things, which is logical cause it's eoy now. but im lcky to have Saz by my side. telling her problems and her giving me solutions made me realise what a true she is. sometimes, sharing isnt enough. i think i have to talk to the person him/herself. ive been studying during mornings alot and dad hasnt been approving yet.
everybody changes, dad isnt close with me anymore. he isnt willing to share with me anymore, he sides mum best. mum's view of me is becoming worse, dont know why but i know i havent changed. bananasxz's busy with her stuff, i cant get her.
im starting afresh. im doing my best in everything. im sorry if i dont entertain you or anyth anymore love, im trying to change the perceptions of some people.
i dont know why, i feel sad. home's suppose to be heaven but i dont think so, since all that has happened. but i know i wont bring all that to school. im still gonna have fun with what/who i have in/out of school. cause i know that's what i wont have at home.
1:26 PM
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Random.luvs, xoxo